Synthesiser

My friend's synthesiser broke, and my friend was also broke, so she wanted me to help carry it back to the Cash Converters.

So I showed up at her door, except there was no door, it was just bead curtains, but she had about 30 rows of them installed one after another so that they formed a solid door, it took me a few minutes to push through them. I finally managed to poke my head out the other side, except there wasn't another side, it was just more bead curtains, after spitting beads out of my mouth, and then spitting the beads that replaced the ones that I spat out, I called out to her 'where are you you synthesising cunt'. I then heard the hi-hat kick on her Roland keyboard come out, I swam through the beads towards the techno and found her in a clearing about 2 metres wide.

I asked her what the fuck were all these beads doing everywhere? She said she wanted to save on heating bills, so she replaced the air in the flat with curtain beads so that there was less air to heat. I asked her how much she actually saved after paying for all those curtain beads.

She cackled and started to play suspended chords on her synthesiser, she said that she was actually getting money back from the electricity company, she then hurled an energy regulations handbook at my skull, it was very heavy and hurt very much.

I kicked her in the shin and said 'Why'd you say it was broken, if you are playing it now'

She pressed one of the keys repeatedly and no sound came out, she looked at me with wet, wet eyes.

We decided that pushing the synthesiser back through the curtain beads was too difficult, so we decided to hurl ourselves out of the window at a bush, this was difficult because it was a basement flat with no windows. We took a shortcut through a little park, but my friend kept insisting to me that it was a bad place to take a synthesiser, I told her to shut the fuck up because she lived in a cube made of curtain beads.

However, when we walked through the park, every time we moved out of the streetlamps into a patch of darkness a group of young roving techno enthusiasts would play on the keyboard, what they lacked in technical proficiency was more than made up by their enthusiasm and willingness to play with the textures and forms of their soundscapes. I did stab them all a little though.

As we got to the cash convertors the staff said they just locked the shopfront, my friend said they must have got the opening hours wrong, I then sarcastically said to her 'THANKS A LOT', THANKS THAT'S WONDERFUL, YOU'VE MADE MY DAY, I WILL BUILD A BRONZE STATUE TO COMMEMORATE YOU AND THEN PISS ON IT, PISS ON IT, PISS ON IT, PISS ON IT'

The staff said we could take the keyboard round back and they can get it refunded, so we went round back, and into the rear door and down some stairs. As we entered we noticed a small meeting was occurring, where we decided to put down the synthesiser out of 'fatigue' (yes I know a little French). The meeting was comprised of a group of people of varying sizes and possibly varying names, they were watching a PowerPoint, 13 slides of which seemed to be a guide to PowerPoint. My friend was mainlining the free coffee and cookies at the back as we watched another 12 slides which said 'This is a slide, now PowerPoint'.

Then another speaker got up, they were wearing a Pilot's costume and then said they were a Pilot, (they were a Pilot), then they spoke in tongues as they went through slides that showed flight paths and maps, she'd get a protractor and then speak in more tongues as she gestured at the flight maps. Then at the end she said in perfectly clear English 'Thank You for Listening' After the presentation finished everyone at the meeting all clapped their hands

But for some reason, they all clapped with the backs of their hands instead of their palms.

I suddenly glanced at my friend in horror, and she looked back. We were in a meeting of the Flat Earth Society. We suddenly noticed the cake at the end of the table, and on the flat surface of the cake, was an icing decoration portraying the words 'the earth is flat and so is this cake'.

Then we saw a novelty doormat, saying 'the earth is flat and so is this doormat'

Then we saw a globe, saying 'the earth is flat and so is this globe'

My friend looked fascinated but disgusted, as if looking at someone's lungs being dissected.

I slapped her in the back of the head and muttered 'living in a fucking cube of bead curtains'

I couldn't take it any more and shouted out loud "just attach a camera to a weather balloon and see for yourselves, or better yet attach yourselves to a weather balloon and see for yourselves and also die of oxygen starvation and PUNEUMONIA."

They all turned around shocked, my friend also shocked.

"WHAT I said, WHAT don't you want to try?!" I asked my friend to restrain me to make things look more dramatic.

Then out of the darkness behind the presentation screen, was Thomas Dolby, electronic musician famous for the hit single 'She Blinded Me With Science' as well as the polyphonic rendition of the standard Nokia ringtone.

Thomas Dolby slowly walked up to us, but for some reason seemed really insistent on walking in as straight and flat a line as possible, as if to make a point.

He said to us that we should respect their scepticism and that a lot of it is simply trying to engage with the world around them, and that they were planning on launching a weather balloon that very night.

I suddenly got quite excited, and then Thomas Dolby eyed up my friend's synthesiser, and started to play on it with both technical proficiency and a passion that matched any of the roving techno players in the park, I didn't stab him at all.

He then hit the dead key, my friend screamed, but with a Fonz like tap Thomas suddenly fixed it, my friend lit up and everyone in the room started to rock out to the synthesiser.

We all went back to the park and released the weather balloon up into the sky in one giant sceptical techno party.

And as the balloon rose I smiled as I shot it down, telling everyone that I was a government agent sent to suppress any discovery of the fact the earth was in fact flat, for unspecified conspiracy reasons.

As we carried the synthesiser back to my friends home, my friend kept asking me if I was telling the truth until just before we were outside I said to her 'no, I just don't want them to stop believing'.

The earth is definitely flat though, I checked with a spirit level?